And now you’re wondering “where the hell was Yeehaw Meg this past month?” Great question. Well, July was a little difficult for me, besties. If it wasn’t two weeks of COVID, one week of me stressing about losing my job, and another week getting horrendously down on myself, it’s was just plain old not wanting to do anything creative! Period! I don’t know if you know this, but I am not a machine built to survive this modern climate at all! I am simply: an elegant oaf!
I love Now Playing, and am going to try to be consistent with it again, and if you can all just have patience with me here as I try sorting my life out that’d be great! I know only like- two of my friends actually reads this (hi Megan! hi LeRoy!) - but for those two friends I SHOULD be working harder! They sign in to see me throw shit at a wall every week!
And I must say this little “shit at the wall” newsletter has gotten me 1) Interview with Bustle and 2) This piece with Vulture last week
Are you completely fucking over me talking about myself? I am too. Let’s discuss this week’s pilot episode.
Now, contrary to popular belief, I have not seen the first L Word, I am solely a Generation Q stan. This show, however, is a staple to the lesbian community and since I am on the letter L, it would feel almost criminal not to include this one as the first L show covered. I’m a big fucking lesbian after all!!! I live this shit daily!
Seriously, the amount of drama in the Chicago lesbian community, wooooo boy.
The L Word aired from January 18, 2004 to March 8, 2009. Following the lives of queer, bisexual, and lesbians (you guessed it) alike, The L Word featured televisions first ensemble cast of bisexuals and lesbians! Despite all the insane controversy, including biphobia and transphobia (I’m just going to guess this is also present in the show), the L Word depicted lesbian sex for the female gaze in a way that was virtually unseen before on television. Not only is this show near and dear to my heart, Ana and I were also compared to Alice and Dana on a Tiktok of ours by multiple people!
Pretty depressing if you know how that one ends! The video went viral though so who can complain really.
Time to start this episode I know has a sex scene in it while my mom does dishes in the other room! I’ll update every time she interrupts me for something mundane.
The L Word begins with sweeping shots of L.A. Tina holds a pregnancy test in the bathroom and Bette excitedly professes they’re having a baby, trying to kiss her and initiate sex which isn’t great for me since, again, mom’s in the other room! They get in their car and drive off to work waving goodbye to their neighbor Tim.
Shane and Alice are at the coffee counter ordering but hot shot Shane’s gotta head out for something at 9:00. She scoots out the door past a group of girls eyeing her and we get the sense ok: Shane’s the hot one. Tina and Bette show up but only Tina stays, sitting down with Alice and who I think is Dana (?) to talk about how the “insemination is happening later that day.” Bette’s talking about how they’re going to Dan Foxworthy, a shrink, for couples therapy and Dana’s like woah but you’re happy no happy person needs therapy (lie) (not true).
Rolled up sleeves guy Tim goes to pick up Jenny from the airport and we get an introduction to the worst character in the history of television. As previously stated, I have not seen this show, so I do not know Jenny’s deal at all, but I know many people despise Jenny and I am eager to find out why. Think it might have to do with the previously aforementioned biphobia but only God knows, at this point.
Tina’s in her lil therapy sesh with Dan and Bette’s late, showing up on the phone and not hanging up too fast I will say. This guy cuts through steel saying should ya’ll have a kid if your sex life has been shit for three years? Bette’s like okay but we’ve been dating for seven and since you’re hating on us for our nonexistent sex life you clearly know nothing, as a cis-het man. Though Bette is not wrong about men knowing nothing, she is wrong about the fact they should be fucking!!! Like!!! Doesn’t matter if it’s gay or straight: Tina wants her cummies and Bette is withholding said cummies, something Dan calls out ASAP. He says the mutual dependency can be a deterrent to them having sex which can happen with women.
I’m hesitant to say “facts” when a man is speaking… but…
Red flag number two occurs when Tina said she fucking QUIT HER REAL ESTATE JOB to PREPARE for HAVING THIS BABY!!! Girl!!! You’re about to be pregnant for NINE MONTHS! You’re really just going to SIT AROUND THE HOUSE RELAXING !?!?!
!?!?!?!?!?!!?
Tina and Bette show up to this dude’s art studio to get his SEMEN!!! We really thought they were just going to go to the doctor to get this but no, Tina is keeping this semen in a vial between her legs until she gets home to inseminate herself and I respect her for it. IVF is like, $20k and what if it doesn’t work? Then what?
Tim, meanwhile, is showing Jenny the sights of L.A. including the beach and making out in the car in traffic. When they get home, he says our “neighbors aren’t really traditional” i.e. faggotville, USA. You’re welcome, Jenny we make everything fun. Tim introduces Jenny to her new backyard studio that she adores. He’s leaving soon too so she can paint away to her hearts desire. Go nuts!
Once he leaves, Jenny peeps on the neighbors who are a naked Shane and a naked blonde girl making out in the pool. Our innocent little Jenny watches them swim and fuck in this pool completely naked and it’s very hot. My mom left to buy groceries if you are nervous.
Tina and Bette bring the semen to the doctor and she’s like it’s easier if you’re aroused to inseminate the person. Bette is like oh God you’re telling me I have to fuck my girlfriend and Tina is like please, I beg of you. In the stirrups, Bette starts giving Tina head and stops to rant to Tina about how she’d probably never suggest that to a straight couple. The doctor comes back knocking on the door and Tina throws her hands up exhausted like “I will never get my cummies :/” The doctor shows Bette the semen they brought in and none of them are moving.
Guess it doesn’t matter anyways since Bette really doesn’t want Tina pregnant, regardless.
Jenny’s gone grocery shopping and is looking for a job application. Tina meets up with Dana and Alice at coffee and talks about their donors weak little sperm to which, Alice responds “Sean’s such a good lover I’m surprised his sperm was weak.” Dana doesn’t love this, indicating Alice should pick between tits and dick at some point, and here we get the first sign of biphobia! Yikes!
Ah to be alive in 2004.
Tina’s asking them to help her find another donor in the next two days, since that’s her window of ovulation, and Shane shows up to join the squad for lunch. Dana’s like please Shane can you not dress like such a dyke, tennis sponsors aren’t going to want to back me if they know I’m a lezzie and everyone, rightfully, jobs down her throat for this. Shane is like it’s fine, I have to go I have a meeting in a bit and Alice tells Dana she’s going to shrivel up with her internalized homophobia.
Also Dana, tennis is the most LESBIAN sport, are you kidding? We all did it. We all loved it.
Back on the sperm question, they see Jenny walk by the shop and Dana makes eyes at her like helloooo. None for her though as Jenny goes back to have sex with Tim and explains the sex she saw between Shane and some random blonde girl and they’re fucking to Jenny describing this sex scene.
It is very hot. I am enthralled.
After railing his girlfriend Tim goes to work to teach swimming at a nearby college. He’s telling one of the swimmers he coaches that his girlfriend’s moving to LA for the long haul and we get a little semblance of maybe he was hooking up with her? Uh oh!
We must love hanging out in the coffee store because Bette, Tina, Alice, and Shane are making fun of Dana for how gay she is which, light teasing is what she deserves. Alice has decided they’re going to host a party at Bette and Tina’s on Saturday to find an eligible sperm donor. They tell Dana to get her bush waxed too if she’s looking for bush confidence.
Important fact of life: bush confidence is key!
Jenny’s peeping over the fence when Tina pops up gardening. They introduce themselves to each other and I’m not sure Jenny has pieced together Tina’s not the same blonde Shane was fucking but if she has, she isn’t letting on. They bond over how Tina wants to go back to school but is trying to get pregnant and Jenny’s like but??? lesbian???? Jenny also sees a gay dad group walking with babies and is BAFFLED by how many queer people she’s around in LA. Tina also invites Tim and Jenny to the party tomorrow if they feel so inclined.
Okay, so I get that they’re trying to move us towards the “Jenny having an eye opening gay experience in the future” type plot.
Night of the party! Two girls are fighting over the fact one of them kissed a friend and Alice drops a comment on how lesbians mistake friendship as foreplay which is not far from the truth. Shane shows up to the party and some girl immediately calls her out on not calling her back, sorry about it! Shane’s a player! The girl leaves mad and runs in to Jenny on the way out, who she tells to yell at Shane on her behalf. Tim saddles up to Dana all excited to meet her and Dana pulls her doubles partner Harrison nearby to pretend they’re dating. All the girls roll their eyes at this, as they should, but if it’s also going to impact your sports career I’d probably hide my sexuality too! Especially for tennis.
I’d do anything for tennis :/
People are comparing index and ring fingers which is the gayest shit I’ve ever seen and Shane shares a glance across the way with some girl. Dana’s doubles partner Harrison hits on Tim but he doesn’t pick up on it because he’s a straight guy. On both guy and girl end I cannot emphasize this enough: TENNIS IS THE GAYEST SPORT!
Shane’s making out with the girl she made eyes with previously as Tim comments there are a lot of lesbians here at this party. Shane WINKS at Jenny, indicating they obviously are going to be a thing, and Dana’s little fruitcake drinks a fruity drink because he’s a fruit. Harrison’s making a joke about lesbians that completely goes over Tim and Jenny’s head and Dana pulls Tina aside to chew her out for inviting straight people. They’re sussing out donors with this one guy who’s hair is graying and he’s like no because this kid is inevitably going to hate his life with you both and come crawling to me.
Alice is sitting on the couch flirting with Jenny asking about the prize she won in fiction. Jenny’s eating it up and Marina, the owner of the coffee shop the Planet, sits down next to them to ask about what they’re talking about. Alice admits she’s a journalist for the L.A. Magazine and Marina says she also reads short stories by people like Amy Bloom and Anne Carson. This is the gayest fucking conversation I’ve ever seen of Marina and Alice competing over Jenny. Marina asks most life altering book Jenny’s ever read and Alice has them both whisper it in her ear and it must be the same answer because she gets up to leave.
Bye Alice!
Bette and Tina are interviewing eligible bachelors for their own sperm. This guy says he’s bow-legged and wouldn’t want to pass it on to any kid but they both are like oh we can work with that. This guy clearly doesn’t want to be their donor and they pull away eventually, retreating from finding a donor.
We meet a new character down at a movie theater who’s being pulled over by a cop. She’s on the way to her “first gig in a year” and her license is expired by six months. She’s trying to sweeten up the cop with backstage tickets to an Ivan Brothers concert and it works, he folds but not before he says she’s going going to have to leave the car on the street. The cop escorts her to the “gig” which ends up being Bette and Tina’s party. We learn the mysterious strangers name is Kit as Alice greets her at the door.
Marina finds Jenny near the bathroom and is staring her down intensely. She follows Jenny in to the bathroom and starts kissing her to which, Jenny isn’t opposed. She embraces her but then leaves the bathroom quickly to find Tim, who’s talking to people about how he was on the Olympic swim team. Jenny is like “take me home, now” and whether it’s because she’s upset or horny, no one can tell. When they get back she tells him she “felt weird” and he’s clearly upset because he was talking to important people about his time on the Olympics. The minute he sits down she immediately starts blowing him to prove a point to herself she’s not gay but he pulls her head up to start fucking instead. They’re going at it and she seems incredibly unimpressed but nevertheless, straight women persist.
Alice tells Bette her sister Kit is here and she visibly tenses. Kit skipped her gig at the Roxy because she got pulled over and a man interrupts them to ask Kit to be featured on a soundtrack. Bette is like please go with him we can talk later, I know you need the money. Everyone’s hanging out after the party that was a huge bust since Tina and Bette didn’t find a donor. Shane heads out with Shane’s Slampiece and Alice heads out too to go home alongside Dana and her beard, Harrison.
Tim wakes a sleeping Jenny who is outside in the studio because she couldn’t fall asleep last night. She’s saying she woke up at 3:00 AM and came out to write which was “sooo scary.” Tim inquiries in to why Jenny was so upset and she’s like oh I was just drunk it’s not because I’m a closeted homosexual or anything.
Yes girl you stay in denial.
Dana and Tina are doing a soul cycle type bike class and Tina’s saying she’s upset they didn’t find a donor and Dana is saying she’s mad she’s always attracted to straight girls. We’ve all been there. Later, Tina runs in to Jenny at the cafe and invites her to come sit with them and tells them about a workshop she was invited to for writing. Alice, trying to be helpful or maybe flirting, says Jenny should check out her magazine for resources or join Marina’s reading group. Sensing she’s been summoned, Marina comes and sits down and asks Jenny if she’d like to join her reading group. The two are HARD core flirting and the girls take notice of this and leave. Marina apologizes and Jenny’s like “I’m not upset but I’m not, I’m not-” and CANT get the word queer out because SHE IS!!!! SHES GAY!!!!
Marina’s like fine if you’re going to leave let me walk you to your car. Marina asks if she wants to come to Radar the next night and Jenny hesitates before saying no, thank you. Marina opens the car door for her and tells her to call her if she changes her mind.
C’MON GIRL YOU GOT IT!
Tina and Bette are sweetening up a Jean Paul to be a donor. He doesn’t seem to really give a fuck about his sperm and whether they get it or not so he starts signing the contract but asks about the stipulations of said baby. They want him to cum in a cup, he’s like no? We clearly have sex, it’s the most straight forward option and they do this back and forth a bit. They’re like we don’t fuck men and he’s like I mean I can fuck all of you? This is the only option, I can’t bring a child in to the world if we don’t have sex. Disappointed, they take the contract away from him but I really think !!! They may go back in the future!
Bette is laughing about the whole Jean Paul debacle at lunch with everyone but Tina’s upset about the fact they can’t find a donor. Bette pulls her aside to talk to her and it’s clear they’re about to fight because that’s what they do.
Jenny says goodbye to Tim and she’s all dolled up to go, too. Tim’s like woww you look so good and Tim’s friend is like you’re going alone? Tim’s like yeah of course she needs to make friends and we trust her. She shows up to Radar and sits with the group. Shane immediately gets up with a girl to go play pool with her and Dana is mad she can’t pull the way Shane can. They all argue over the fact it’s because Shane’s nipples are perfect and Jenny takes the out to go wander around, clearly uncomfortable. A girl tries talking to her and she says “no, thank you” before storming out.
Embrace the gay, Jenny! Find inner peace!
Overall, I’d give the L Word pilot a 5.5/10. I’d feel like I’m hate criming my own community if I ranked it lower, but at times it felt slow and the insemination as the central debate took away from a lot of character development that could have been established in an episode clearly made to establish. I got peaks in to everyone’s personality but I wanted more outside of Tina and Bette. Even Jenny felt like she could have been given more justice to the intricacies of her behavior instead of a bathroom scene making out with Marina to indicate yeah, she’s gay. It sucked me in I will say, obviously, but the get at the end leaving us on “Jenny has unspoken lust” was boring. There wasn’t high enough stakes to get me as an audience and I feel like it could have been shorter with more concise, grounded establishing that makes you go wait: I want the next one and the next one. I hate to say lukewarm as a lesbian, but it was!!!! Lukewarm!
With that being said I will binge the entire series from here on out :)
One last hurrah before I go: