NOW PLAYING: Seinfeld
Four single friends -- comic Jerry Seinfeld, bungling George Costanza, frustrated working gal Elaine Benes and eccentric neighbor Cosmo Kramer -- deal with the absurdities of everyday New York
Good morning eager Now Playing beavers I come to you live from my little goblin hole to bring another newsletter hot to your inbox. Now, many of you may be wondering where I was last week, crying your little faces off thinking “our poor Meggie has abandoned us” but do not fear for I am here. Anxious, excited, and overwhelmed as hell trying to balance this alongside the most taxing 9-5 I’ve ever had.
The highs and lows of journalism, babYyyY.
Given this is my first run down the alphabet, and I did Friends previously for this newsletter, I’m going to be tackling a sitcom favorite in the same NYC universe. That’s right, it’s Seinfeld, the wacky 90’s comedy show that produced an out of touch comedian (Jerry) and a God (Julia Louis Dreyfus) in it’s own right. First premiering in 1989 and ending in 1998 (DANG), Seinfeld was co-created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld and follows four single friends navigating NYC life. Among them Jerry, a stand up comedian, is the ring leader of the group who opens almost every episode with a bit from his standup set that is preceded by an episode expanding on said bit. You know it, I know it, it’s a staple to sitcom television.
(I say this never having gotten past the second season).
I can feel my friends already texting me “YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ALL OF SEINFELD?” after reading that line so I’m going to stop you right there. I have no time between self loathing, unemployment debt, and worrying about if everyone in the city hates me to watch nine seasons of a show. Maybe some day after I sell my first book, I will have inner peace and sit down to watch ~Seinfeld~ but for now, you’re going to have to settle for the Pilot episode.
Love you! Thank you! Text me if you’ve gotten this far please! I don’t want to work today!
“Do you know why we’re here? Do you know what this is all about? To be here, to be out,” says Jerry and same. Everyone is gay. He REALLY keeps hitting on the out thing and boy, would this be the perfect start to a gay 90’s sitcom about a lesbian stand up comedian. What could have been, am I right? But no, this is Jerry talking about how when you’re out, you want to be at home. Wherever you are in life, you gotta go. We’re always on the go.
No peace, just run.
Jerry is getting lunch with George Constanza, his bestie. George is wearing a purple shirt and Jerry is jumping down his shirt cuz he (gay) hates the buttons on his shirt. A lot of attention to what your guy friend is wearing to be straight but I digress!!!! George is stressed about if this coffee is decaf or not and gives the waitress a hard time about it before proceeding to ask Seinfeld why he’s cancelling his second show tomorrow. There’s a girl coming in, a professor from Lansing, MI, who Seinfeld’s going to hang out with despite being in love with Georgy. He literally says “it’s like talking to you but better” which feels VERY MUCH like domestic love. Jerry says she’s coming in for a seminar and the woman says they haaave to get together while she’s in town. George says “she has to be in town and you should get together? You’re a backup. She’s not going to see you. You’re a B Plan, a just in case.” George is VERY up in arms about this and asks the waitress for advice on the situation too. Is this woman interested in Jerry? Is she being polite? The waitress answers that no, based on what George says, the woman doesn’t want to hang out with Jerry.
But who cares when he’s off to do more domestic shit with George!
They head to the laundry store (?) together and ok pause because I know there’s a name for the laundry store and I cannot figure it out. Dermo…mat? Dermotologist (wrong)… L- oh my fucking God. It’s laundromat. I live in a city and I couldn’t figure out Laundromat. Jesus okay yikes well anyways, they’re at a laundromat and Jerry’s talking about this guy walking by who’s got everything: detergents, sprays, fabric softeners, this isn’t his first load. Jerry goes on about the girl Laura because he is positive she’s in to him. George is frustrated because he’s clearly right and puts Jerry on the spot about how she hasn’t made any concrete plans nor told him what hotel she’s staying at. He’s very fed up with his friend (lover) and Jerry finally reconciles with the fact she’s not going to call him. They argue about whether the laundry is dry or not and Jerry insists on staying because you can’t over dry laundry.
I have this rule about Chicken, I don’t think you can over cook it (0/2 on Meg revelations tonight) (the fuck is a Laundromat) (you can absolutely dry Chicken).
We segue in to Jerry’s standup set about how laundry’s most exciting day is the day they go to the Laundromat. He breathes life in to the behind the scenes thoughts of how socks love staying in the dryer so they can do a little Courdory disappearing act and live their life freely outside an apartment. We see Jerry’s apartment for the first time and, similar to Friends, it’s not bad!!! It’s pretty big! And he lives alone!!!!
He must do pretty well for comedy!
Kramer pops his head in as Jerry continues a conversation he’s having on the phone. Kramer spoils Jerry watching the Met’s game by saying they lose and Jerry breaks down because he waited all night to watch this game. He taped it <3 Remember taping???? I’d only tape Reno 911 and get scared my parents would find it but God, it was my gospel.
The things we do to savor television.
Kramer’s supposed to be a bit of a curve ball as he ransacks Jerry’s fridge looking for meat. Jerry says “you haven’t been out of the building in ten years” as Kramer shovels a sandwich in his mouth and the two sit on the couch side by side, Kramer flipping through, and subsequently ripping shit, out of a magazine on Jerry’s table. He wipes his face with a page from the magazine and says Kramer can come over tomorrow if he wants, Laura isn’t coming over because he misread the entire situation. He’s really hung up on this Mussy he’s trying to plow (Midwest Pussy) and speak of the devil!! Laura calls! She says her plane gets in at 10:15 and Jerry can get his friend George to come pick her up without even ASKING!! HIS FRIEND! Does he have something in the morning?!?!
Not very good friend discipline if you ask me!
She asks to stay at Jerry’s house and he’s over the moon. The next day, he brings in an extra bed with George and George is like why’d you bring in the extra bed?? Aren’t you sleeping together? And Jerry (decent man!) says “I don’t want to be presumptuous” which, point for Jerry. George keeps insisting she wants to sleep with him now, completely switching teams from his earlier stance, and I stand by Jerry to bring a mattress in. Good for him. Kramer comes in and also rags on the mattress. “Why even give her an option?” OK PSYCHO!!! This little misogynistic tirade goes straight from the Handbook or the Game or whatever that early 2000’s negging book was and Jerry cleans the bathroom while George and Kramer make small talk. We learn George is in commercial real estate and we transition in to:
Another of Jerry’s standup bits.
He’s talking about prepping the bathroom for a woman and I get why his standup was endearing in the early 1990’s. It’s just observations that are middle of the road and not divisive but kind of entertaining. He’s talking about how women have a lot of cotton balls and what do they use them for and honestly, I also wonder this. Is it for nail polish? Ears? Eyes? I use cotton balls when I’m out of toilet paper and that’s just last case scenario. I don’t actively buy cotton balls thinking I’m going to use them to wipe but that’s always what happens.
Wait, is that why women go through cotton balls!?!?!?
Jerry heads to the airport to pick up Laura and he’s nervously biting his fingers. He’s like “this is impossible, why don’t women say what they’re thinking” and it’s because men don’t listen. They do, trust me. George is giving Jerry pointers on how a hug is good, shake is bad, but there’s nuance to the rules. Each signal is open to interpretation. Laura runs up at this moment and puts her hands over his eyes and says “guess who!” They do a weird hoorah with their two hands and George can’t read what it means. Back at his apartment, Jerry’s showing off the apartment and tells her to make herself at home. She sits on the couch and takes off her shoes as Jerry just awkwardly stands in the kitchen. He asks if he can get her anything and she asks for wine which could mean anything. She asks to turn down the lamp and still, to me, this could mean anything because once I get off a flight, I’m tired. She asks if she can stay tomorrow night too and he’s like sure! What’s your schedule tomorrow? She’s got a seminar and that’s it, she’d love to go on a five hour boat ride around Manhattan and he’s like oh!!!! Well!!!! Sure!!!! The phone rings and he picks it up and it’s someone for Laura, the fuck? How does that even work? How’d they figure out her number?
Bad news bears, it’s her fiance calling.
She opens up about how hard being engaged is and Jerry can’t get over the fact she’s engaged. He’s really harping on it and is regretting agreeing to go on a five hour boat ride now.
In his standup act the next night he talks about how women are super confusing because they’re subtle. What do women want? They know what men want: women and yes, they do fucking know that!!!! We take advantage of that because you put us in questionable situations!!! Stop fucking complaining because you think you’re entitled to everything!
Both gay, and straight men, think they’re so god damn entitled!!! To! Everything! (Another case for Jerry Gay)
Obviously, this is a shorter newsletter because with the time change, traveling last week, and getting back to work I’m a wee bit exhausted, but I hope it was fun nonetheless! Overall, I’m rating the Seinfeld pilot an 8.5/10 because despite the fact it wouldn’t hold up today being a boys’ club and everything, I feel like the format was unique and interesting for it’s time. To split up the show with Jerry’s standup bits and inner observation of the world around him was a concise barrier between self, life, and work. There’s also something to say about how interesting it is, and I don’t know if this holds throughout the show, that the most intimacy is what he shares with an audience instead of his close personal friend. He brings nervous energy to the stage and sure, he brings that with George too, but I feel he’s more comfortable on stage sharing his thoughts than in his regular life which is often the story of a performer. Side characters remain side characters in this, probably because it’s impossible to establish a lot given a twenty third minute episode, but the dialogue is fun enough that it makes you think about your own little thoughts and feelings. I get why people consider Jerry Seinfeld the king of Observational Comedy.