NOW PLAYING: Riverdale
After a teenager was murdered within the town of Riverdale, a group of teenagers, the jock Archie, the girl next door Betty, the new girl Veronica and the outcast Jughead try to unravel the evils lurk
Welcome! This week on Now Playing we’re going to be discussing Riverdale, a CW show that started off strong and plateaued in recent seasons bringing an onslaught of Tiktoks poking fun at what previously was a masterful TV show. Airing on the CW on January 26th, 2017 to a total of 1.38 million viewers, one of those being me, Riverdale followed the lives of quarterback superstar Archie, girl next door turned sociopath in season two Betty Cooper, insanely hot rich bitch Veronica Lodge, and emo J.D. Salinger wannabe Juckhead Jones on a wacky series of mishaps. The first season opens after a particularly chaotic summer following the drowning of football player Jason Blossom, brother of HBIC red head Cheryl Blossom, and the four main character unravel the mystery surrounding the Blossom family. Who killed Jason Blossom? Did him and Cheryl ever kiss?
The answers to one of these- and more- lie in it’s thirteen episode season.
Riverdale went fucking nuts on marketing in the city of Chicago and with bisexual lighting galore, I was all in on the show. I waited MONTHS for this CW baby to open it’s pearly gates to my sweet, serene eyes and when it finally did, it DELIVERED. I know the show gets a ton of hate for being off the walls and all over the place to the point, people have called them out for forgetting they already introduced Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but I loved this show during it’s hay day. It was the perfect mix of spooky, sexy, and slutty teen drama that gets my gears going. Yes, I get KJ Apa is weird on Tiktok and Yes, I know the plot has gone to shit, but for now can we just appreciate the building blocks that created an empire? A place where breakout stars like Lili Reinhart and Camila Mendes thrived?
Riverdale season one, and maybe even season two, definitely deserve the hype.
We start our story with a classic Jughead Jones monologue, the summary? This town is NOT what it appears to be. There’s sweeping shots of an old 50’s/60’s style small town named Riverdale and damn, they’re beautiful. We follow the Blossom twins driving their red convertible to the river on the Fourth of July. They came out holding hands for an early boat ride and make their way down the river as thunder crashes overhead. Dilton Doiley, a kid leading the local Boy Scout chapter on a bird watching expedition, finds Cheryl on the side of the river with mascara running down her cheeks. The police come and search the lake to no avail and Betty’s mom Alice tells her husband Hal Cooper she hopes Jason suffered in his last moments.
Oooooo, a MYSTERY.
Jughead writes this whole little novel in Pop’s Diner and details some of the minute info of this tragedy. They bury an empty casket and Cheryl’s story is that she dropped a glove in the water and Jason reached down to get it, tipping the boat, panicking, and drowning. Jason’s story needs to be cast aside for a minute though because resident hot girl Camila Mendes, who plays Veronica Lodge, is rolling in to town with her mom Hermonie Lodge. Given that Camila is now 28, the same age I am, that means she was around 23 years old when filming this and boy, what a fun age to become famous at. You don’t have the messiness of your EARLY 20’s, running around doing absolute feral shit, but you’re still messy enough. Bags haven’t set in on your eyes. You’re not nearly as hungover as you will be in five years.
The moral of this story? I am having a CRISIS on the verge of turning 30 years old (A year and a half away) (Calm Down).
Hermonie tells Veronica this is a smaller apartment but it’s in my name and not your father’s. From this line we concur that Hiram Lodge is a weee bit of a control freak and that Veronica is the product of daddy issues. Hermonie says she’s in the mood for a burger from Pop’s Diner and Veronica’s like why is a Chop Shop selling Burgers. Across town, someone also looking to chow down on some man meat is Betty Cooper, who’s detailing her crush on boy next door Archie Andrews to her best friend, Kevin. Kevin is peeking through the window looking at Archie across the street who’s now rocking abs.
Betty better take her shot ASAP!
Betty’s at Pop’s Diner catching Archie up on her summer. She says Toni Morrison tells her personally that “Bettie, don’t rush this time. It goes by so fast at your age. One summer can change everything,” to which, Archie responds:
She asks how his summer was and he says he’s a poet now. He got bored pouring concrete so now he’s got some song lyrics going on in his head and he really feels sooooo much better about his path in life. He’s going to start trying to make music because he listened to one New Order song that changed his life. He’s like yeah, I can do it better than Kurt Cobain did. I can write it better than you’ll ever feel it, sweaty <3. Betty is ENAMORED by this and is like wow, have you told your dad? Are you going to ask the music teacher for help? Are you going to try out for football? Ok Mom chill out! Archie’s like calm down, you’re the only person I’ve told and she’s like wow, that’s… touching.. I think now is the time to admit my feelings but he’s NOT PAYING ATTENTION because VERONICA just walked in and oh poor sweet Betty, she just said all that for nothing. Veronica comes over and strikes up a conversation about how she just moved here from New York and is also starting her sophomore year at Riverdale. She’s really scared because she’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s and this place is sooo In Cold Blood. We learn Betty is her peer mentor and Archie jumps the gun inviting her to join their dinner.
Betty realizes yep, there goes my shot.
First day of school and Archie is ready to get to school!!! His dad Fred Andrews, the actor Luke Perry, who tragically died really young, is trying to push working at the cement filling company or whatever their blue collar job is in the family on Archie but Archie’s like can’t :/ Football tryouts. Parents love putting pressure on their high school kids because Alice is telling Betty this school year is also really important for colleges. Grades, extracurricular, sports. Alice doesn’t want anything jeopardizing her future especially after her sister Polly was defiled by that nefarious Jason Blossom. Betty defends herself like “mom, I was seven minutes late for curfew, it’s fine” and Alice goes on a tirade of how all men are the same #true. Her mom gives Betty a fucking Adderall and is like don’t worry, I refilled your prescription.
Mmmm I can already tell THAT’S gonna be a problem.
Archie’s buddy Reggie, who they replace in the second season, is hyping Archie up about how ripped he is now. How’d he do that? Is he taking steroids? He calls their buddy Moose over and ask Archie if he hooked up with a teacher over summer. Did he? DID HE!?
Only time will tell!
Betty is giving Veronica a tour and she’s dunking on how po-dunk the town is. Where’s the club? Kevin says there’s two: one gay bar called Innuendo and a strip club called Ho Down. Friday night there’s football games and tailgate parties in the parking lot, Saturday nights is movie nights, and that’s it. Kevin is “gay, thank God. Let’s be best friends,” says Kevin and he’s like ok, perfect because I have questions about your dad. Is he really the devil? Veronica gets icy in response and continues moving on but that’s what you get for befriending us gays! We like to know your trauma and tell our trauma in response!!
Sorry STAIGHTS but if you don’t tell me your deepest darkest secret in the first five minutes of knowing me, WE’RE. DONE.
Archie finds Josie practicing with her two friends on stage and Archie approaches her asking for help with his music. She goes in to Read Receipt mode and says the Pussycats are creating a signature look. Last year, they won Rockland County’s Battle of the Bands and this year, they’re building on that success telling their story through songs they write. Essentially what she’s saying is Archie!!! Bye!!! Archie leaves the theater, dejected and Veronica, walking with Kevin and Betty, immediately locks in on him. She asks what his deal is, if Betty’s dating him, and when Betty says no she says perfect will you put in a good word for me? Kevin, which is clearly a Duck name, clarifies that although Betty and Archie aren’t dating, they ARE end game. She’d ask him to the Semi Formal but it might be cancelled because of Jason.
Who’s Jason? asks Veronica.
At the assembly, Cheryl Blossom is answering that question. She says Jason was a vibrant, fun person and he wouldn’t want them all wallowing. She asked the School board to allow the Back to School Semi Formal to happen and by the grace of God, they’re gonna. The dead be damned these little horny goblins need to shake their asses if it’s the last thing they do. They’re going to celebrate this man’s life by making a grind circle in the sweaty school gymnasium to grind on each other in a borderline PG-13 way. Archie, especially, is making eyes with his music teacher when a flashback occurs indicating oh buddy, they DEFINITELY got it on. I don’t get WHAT is so hot to writers about the teen-teacher hooking up plot line but we get it a LOT. Ms. Grundy saw Archie wiping his face off on the side of the road during the summer time and said wow little Archiekins your body is banging, it is way toooo hot for you to be outside :/ Lemme give you a ride <3. They hook up in the car in the RAIN later that night because I guess that’s just what happens in teenage drama shows!
Archie chases her down after the assembly and is like can we talk? And she’s like sure, only about music, make an appointment. We’ll get it on the books.
Hermonie Lodge goes to visit Fred Andrews and asks for a job indicating he should probably give it to her since they have history (dated for a bit in high school). Fred admits he split up with his wife who’s now in Chicago and Hermonie also gives her background story about how she wishes people in Riverdale would give her the benefit of the doubt. He says yeahhh but your husband is on trial for fraud and embezzlement so I can’t have you balancing my company checkbook, sorry. Nothing personal it’s just your husband is a criminal and not like, a cool, hot criminal like Martha Stewart he’s also going to try privatizing the prison system in season three which is no good, besties.
At lunch, Archie is showing Betty and Kevin his music and Veronica comes and sits down to inquire into Archie and how cool he is for liking music. Veronica is like honestly, I though people would be obsessed with me and they’re not, sooo. Kevin says usually, they would be, but Cheryl is putting on her all with this sympathy thing and look at that, she’s on her way over here. “Veronica Lodge” Cheryl Blossoms oozes, purring like a terrifying snake. She asks to sit at the table and is asking if they’re all gossiping about how hot Archie is. They say no and Cheryl picks up immediately trying to recruit Veronica to try out for cheerleading. Veronica says fine but Betty’s going to try out too. Betty says last season when she tried out Cheryl said she was fat and Veronica’s like I mean, you’re hot now. Comforting words if I’ve ever heard one. Veronica says she’ll help Betty prep if she’s so god damn set on being a River Vixen!
I wasn’t a cheerleader but I was a mascot in high school. I think that’s better, imo.
Archie’s trying to finagle his music teacher he was fucking in to giving him music lessons and she’s like listen, we can’t start anything. He says fine but I need to talk to someone about what we saw because afterwards we didn’t do or say anything about it.
Oooo and what can this little mystery be?
They were also at the lake on the Fourth of July and they heard a gunshot at 6 A.M. near the river. She’s like WE both have to live with the choice WE made that’s the PAY OFF for SILENCE. She then denies him the opportunity to take music lessons with her and the scene is over.
You know they always set boundaries in the beginning only to break them later (PRETTY LITTLE LIARS!!!!!!)
Veronica and Betty are trying out for cheerleading and Cheryl is like this is boring, where’s the flair? Veronica says you haven’t seen our secret move and turns to Betty to kiss her and Cheryl rolls her eyes, not taking the bait. This is when I should have figured out Cheryl was going to be a lesbian because I also rolled my eyes so God bless our queen bee for tearing them apart for being “faux lesbians.” Cheryl says it’s time for the interview portion and digs in to Betty on her sister, Polly. How’s she doing? Veronica, do you know about Polly? Betty tells Veronica Polly and Jason started dating and then Polly ended up in a group home because she lost her mind. Betty is getting really stressed out and apologizes for what happened to Jason, handling this harassment like a champ. Cheryl gives Veronica a spot but not Betty and Veronica lays in to Cheryl about being entitled. She says Betty and her come as a matching set so she’s taking both of them and also, Veronica’s going to dethrone her.
“You wanted fire? Sorry Cheryl, my specialty is ice.”
At football practice, the coach gives Archie Jason Blossom’ old jersey because he’s on varsity now!!! He did it! And as a Sophomore too, the big leagues! Congrats bud! He gives the coach a whole spew about how he has to help with his dad’s family business after school and blah blah blah. The coach says “sleep on it” as Betty and Veronica put on their cheerleading outfits for the first time. Walking home, Betty asks Veronica why she stood up for her and she says when her dad got arrested, people dragged her ass online for being a bitch so Betty is her redemption arc. This is her fresh start and she’ll be damned if anyone stands in the way of that. Betty, in return, shares a bit of trauma about how Polly was obsessed with Jason but she didn’t really care about him and then Alice, her mom, laid in to Polly about not being her daughter, anymore. This is a beautiful moment between girls and to top it off, Veronica calls Archie over in an attempt to get Betty to ask Archie to the dance. She asks if he wants to go to the dance with both her and Veronica doesn’t let Archie say no. She’s like I don’t give a damn about your “mindset” you’re coming and he’s like okay, fine.
Betty is DANCING in her room over this YES!!!! Slay, queen.
Spotting her in a cheerleading outfit, Alice is maaaaaad Betty is a cheerleader now. She doesn’t want her to be anywhere near a Blossom and tells her to take off her cheerleading outfit right now. Betty puts her foot down about having to be perfect all the time and she’s not listening to Alice anymore, she’s going to the mall to buy a dress because she’s going to the dance with Veronica and Archie. Alice says girls like Cheryl and Veronica don’t like girls like Betty but Betty is out the door.
Try being a better mom, how about that!!!
At the Lodge’s, Hermonie has retrieved a missing bag she has no clue about. Unzipping the leather bag she finds a fuck load of money and sighs because this means Hiram’s up to some fuck shit. Archie, meanwhile, is practicing a little guitar on the patio when his dad comes out to talk about a call he got from his coach, today. He says coach said you couldn’t play varsity because you’re spending too much time with me but you told me you can’t work because you’re playing football, who are you lying to? It’s go time as Archie opens up about his softer side, an adoration for the acoustic he so lovingly is coddling. Dad, you wouldn’t understand, I want to study music. I’m a soft boi. Football takes you to classes though, son. Football takes you to Business school where you’ll learn to be a MAN!!!
No disrespect dad, he doesn’t want to run the company with him. He changed. He fucked the music teacher once and now he’s making a career out of it.
Dad says he doesn’t care if he plays football and he doesn’t have to work for him ever again if he doesn’t want to but these decisions you make now have consequences. Whatever you decide, be confident in it. Don’t lie. Archie stands slackjawed on the porch in an Old Navy cardigan, pondering what this could possibly mean.
If it’s not Toni Morrison telling Betty about how she should appreciate summer, he doesn’t understand.
At the school dance banners of Jason hang everywhere. Betty asks when Archie has to let coach know about football and Veronica’s like I’m sick of the boxes we put ourselves in can we just liberate ourselves for the night and Veronica gives Betty the green light to try flirting with Archie. She fixes his bow instead like a mother to a son and he dips out to go find the music teacher while Kevin sneaks up on Betty to say Moose, the football player, tried making a move on him in the bathroom OOoooooo secret LOVE AFFAIR!
Music teacher Ms. Grundy is on edge about Archie approaching her and he says listen, I won’t tell anyone anything but you have to help me. Music keeps me sane. I want to do an independent study with you as many mornings you can and that’s all it will be. I’ll say nothing about July Fourth. She smiles and is like hehe ok Monday, Wednesday, Friday, talk to me more in that voice uwu. He smiles like nice, I’m in. I can write my little Jason Archelta songs. Cheryl interrupts the dance to introduce this evening’s entertainment which is our FIRST musical number Riverdale has ever seen. It’s Josie and the Pussycats playing a cover of All Through the Night by Cyndi Lauper. Betty and Archie slow dance and it’s anti-climatic because they have sibling vibes. Kevin and Veronica are mouthing at her to go for it and Betty says she has a fantasy of them as a power couple and Archie’s face falls. He looks over to Ms. Grundy and Betty is clearly upset.
Cheryl’s like hmmm, I have an idea.
She invites Archie, Betty, and Veronica to her after party and says Archie’s gonna do seven minutes in heaven and we’re going to spin the bottle to see who it’s going to be. It lands on Veronica and Cheryl says if you don’t go, I will - and I’ll certainly make a move. Veronica sighs and goes in to the closet with Archie and they make small talk about New York, Cheryl, etc. Veronica asks the deep question of why not Betty? He’s like we’re best friends and I don’t feel anything for her. Veronica also admits that she didn’t have a boyfriend in New York and is leaning in close to Archie as he admits he has felt things for someone over the summer. Archie takes a step closer to her as she says “you’re dangerous” and he goes to kiss her as they BOTH admit they SHOULDNT KISS!
Jesus, they didn’t hold off for even five minutes.
They start kissing and come out to find Betty has left. Veronica grabs an Uber to go find Betty, since her phone is off, and ends up going home empty handed. I’m a bit confused, since it’s not like anyone opened the door to them kissing, and the kiss wasn’t messy enough for them to make any slurpy noises, so how did Betty know they were kissing? I’d just be like “I trust this girl, she’s not going to kiss my crush” if I didn’t have any proof. Veronica lays on her mom’s lap to be comforted as Archie heads to Pop’s Diner looking for Betty. Instead, he finds Jughead Jones sitting at a booth looking emo with his little computer. He sits down across from him and Jughead says he’s working on a novel about Jason. Archie starts asking some real deep quesitons to Jughead like, was he doing the right thing with his life? Was Jason okay? Jughead deflects and is like what are you up to now, Football God? He leaves Archie with parting advice to just talk to Betty because it would have gone a long way with Jughead so it obviously will with Betty.
Heeding his advice, Archie goes to Betty’s house.
Betty walks outside in her dress and sees Archie. She says she’s not going to ask what he did with Veronica but she is going to ask if Archie loves her. He says of course but I can’t give you the answer you want because he’s never been good enough for her lmFAOOOOOOOO. I’m dying. Yes king gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. Don’t tell her the real reason which is you just don’t feel it back, that’s fine too. Jughead goes off on a speech about how two hearts broke that night.
Moose and Kevin go to the lake and do “everything but kiss.” Kevin trips as they get closer to the lake and they find Jason’s body washed ashore with a gunshot through his head.
Mamma Mia!
Jughead wraps this episode up nicely saying that by morning, the world around them changed. Everyone would be talking about how Riverdale wasn’t the same town as before. It was a town of shadows and secrets, now. On Tuesday, the first arrest would be made.
Setting some pretty high stakes in the pilot episode, besties.
Alright fuck it overall I’m giving this a 9/10. They introduced enough of the characters in a concise way that made you feel a bit of attachment to each without giving us too much to overwhelm the plot. The pacing was nice, the plot was mysterious enough, and the cast is so god damn hot I want to die. I am a slut for CW shows and I truly loved the first season so much that maybe the 9 is nostalgia clouding my judgement more than anything. If I was a good gay, I’d dock points for the subtle homophobia riddled throughout the episode. The “girls kissing for attention” and the “kevin as gay best friend” WAS Annoying… hmmm… ok fine, i’ll dock it one point. Riverdale’s getting an 8/10
Real Riverdale heads know the scene I’m about to watch now that I’ve finished the pilot. That’s right, Jughead and Betty FUCKING!!!
YEAHHH BOY