NOW PLAYING: Pretty Little Liars
Covering the original before covering the Reboot because I have self control *eyes the reboot longingly*
This, and next, week on Now Playing we’re going to be examining the wide eyed world of Pretty Little Liars, a show I religiously consumed throughout high school/college. If you asked me what book series I’d die with growing up, clutched like pearls in my early age casket, I’d have told you very confidently at fourteen years old “I want to be buried holding the first Pretty Little Liars book.” To me, the series was EVERYTHING: hot, salacious, borderline psychotic. I wanted nothing more than to fall in line with the main characters insane behavior: Hanna’s shoplifting problems, Aria’s brazen love affair, Spencer’s willingness to risk it all, Emily Lesbian. Though the latter may not be true, judging by the fact I doubt I had any sense of sexuality in middle school, I truly looked up to the people in the PLL series so much that in hindsight, a lot of my bad behavior may have been curved had I never engaged the series. The Midwest doesn’t suck per se but when life is monotonous its hard not to crave chaos, the kind that follows four girls around in a single letter. The infamous A.
I didn’t fantasize my life falling to shit, I enacted it *kissy emoji*
Pretty Little Liars is an early 2000’s to mid 2010’s bonanza in both book and television form. Following the lives of four girls - Spencer Hastings, Aria Montgomery, Hanna Marin, and Emily Fields - the series navigates typical high school life with one caveat: an ever looming “who dunnit” disappearance. After their fifth friend Alison DiLaurentis disappears from their sleepover and her body is recovered later on, the four start getting mysterious texts/demands from an unknown number named “A.” These girls got a lot of secrets, Aria fucking the teacher, Emily being a lesbian, etc. etc., that A threatens to out unless demands are met throughout the entire series.
Growing up, I wanted to be Spencer. Buzzfeed, however, just dealt me this hand after taking a quiz.
It’s gnitty, it’s gritty, it’s got an age gap relationships between teacher/student that should not exist. At some point, I’m sure we’ll cover the lengthy series on my podcast Ya, We Read It (plug) and in the meantime, you can read my love letter to Ashley Benson in Instyle here.
Let’s GO:
3oh!3’s Don’t Trust a Hoe plays on a stormy night as the five (pictured above) have a girly girl sleepover. They’re laughing when all of a sudden, the music cuts out. The storm has cut off the electricity and Spencer, Hanna, Emily, and Aria inch towards the door, scared. Out pops Allison and this is the last time we’re going to see her alive besties so take note. She lovingly teases Emily about maybe liking the new Beyonce a bit TOO much and passes alcohol to Aria to drink, a natural born leader. I whisper “Leo” under my breath but according to Google, Allison is a Gemini!
The worst of the signs IMO (If my ex is reading this, I hate you please die :) )
Bitch that she is, Allison drops the phrase “friends keep secrets” and smiles knowingly. The lightening thunders and everyone’s asleep, Aria being the first to wake up. Time has passed and no one knows where Alison or Spencer are. Spencer comes back in a little Old Navy argyle sweater and says I can’t find Ali anywhere. I think I heard her scream though.
BOOM: A newspaper with the title “STILL MISSING.” A title boasting “One Year Later.” The gang? Is NOT having a good time.
We start our little deep dive in to these characters with Aria, who is in an empty bedroom wearing a Rue 21 dress saying it’s weird to be home after a year away. They went off for “dad’s sabbatical (recovering alcoholic? What does that mean” and Aria’s upset because it’s the anniversary of Ali’s disappearance. Her mom is encouraging Aria to give her old buddies a call! Just do it, they’re probably also hurting. Aria’s dad tries to console her on the way out to no avail and Aria says she’s “still keeping their secret” between dad and daughter.
SPOILER: She caught him cheating on their MOM!!!! You couldn’t catch me dead keeping that from Miss Mary Baby Gates despite my personal feelings on her.
Aria drops her little brother off at lacross practice as some early 2000’s inspirational song plays in the background. “I Won’t” by Colbie Caillat rolls in to some new song equally as banshee coffeeshop woman-y. Aria sits at this bar at 4:15 on a weekday as an older guy next to her asks her questions. Well looking enough, he asks Aria how she’s doing and she says “a bit jet lagged, I’m back from Iceland” and I kick myself knowing I’m having the same line of thought as this older teacher thinking yeah, I’d also assume this girl is older than 16. I didn’t even leave the country until 28 and since my experience is universal, it’s nuts to me she spent a year abroad.
This is not an excuse for grooming, just a line of thinking. Back to the grooming.
(Insert hot teacher’s name I don’t know yet) talks about spending time in Reykjavik and how he’s starting his first teaching job, soon. The Fray’s “Happiness” plays on the speaker and Aria says I love this song, I want to teach someday. I’m leaning towards majoring in English and I write, I’m a writer. Seeing this as an invitation, Mr. “Hot Teacher” asks if he could read her writing and compliments her taste on music for liking Billboard Top 100 Band of the Time the Fray. He says he’d like to know more about her and boom, they’re making out in the bathroom.
I don’t really get how people in their mid/late 20’s can’t tell when someone is younger than like, 20. If you’ve got no eye bags, ask their age!!!!! Ask it in general! Also, what the fuck is his name!
Enter hottest girl alive Ashley Benson Jesus fucking christ I want to die. I want her to stomp me out with her heel. Hanna (Ashley Benson) is trying on glasses flirting hardcore with the register guy. Her friend Mona (this name made me laugh a lot as a fourteen year old, as you might have guessed) compliments her eyewear. “Ay Carumba Hanna, how much is that gorgeous set of eyeglasses you’re rocking?” Mona says verbatim (false) as Hanna responds “$350 you dumb bitch.” She then walks away from the counter INSISTING she’ll be right back (false x2) and waltz’ over to find Spencer shopping. This is shocking since Spencer interns for the mayor, is redoing her barn, taking classes at Hollis, and is tweeting: something as important as the other three. Hanna and Spencer bond over the anniversary of Ali’s death and silence overhangs them as Hanna finally breaks it apart, asking what Spencer is looking for, an item to wear to her sister Melissa’s engagement.
Hanna recommends a showy little purple number before walking out with her sunglasses on. Her and Mona are two bad bitches who love that five fingers discount.
The school bell rings as Aria pulls up with her dad. Before she goes in to school on her first day back, her dad gives her a little monologue about how he loves her mom but he made a mistake. Yes, unburden this on your teenage daughter before she goes back to high school after her summer vacation. She watches him drive away before having a flashback with her and Ali ignoring Mona on their walk home. Ali pulls her on a side street where they find Aria’s dad making out with some woman in his car.
Oops!
Emily jolts Aria out of this flashback and is genuinely excited to see her. She’s like hi! I miss the pink strip in your hair! How are you? Aria, shooting down this kind gesture, is like um? We kind of lost touch… Why are you being so friendly? Similar to Hanna and Spencer, they also bond about the anniversary of Ali’s death, saying how awful it is that she’s likely dead, at this point. Walking in to class, Emily is like “moving right along, I heard the new teacher is hot.” Hanna enters after them with Mona in tow and Emily lets Aria know Hanna’s the new It Girl, indicating all four of them fell out despite living in the same town. (Insert Hot Teacher) is writing his name on the board with his back turned to the whole class and his name is Mr. Fitz! He turns around to see Aria and says Oh crap!
You’d think now would be a good time to shut this whole love triangle down but no, no, no. They draw it OUT over the series.
Aria gets a text that says “Maybe he fools around with students all the time. A lot of teachers do. Just ask your dad. -A” and has a minor freak out. She has no idea who this number is and is wondering if it’s her maybe dead friend Allison? Who else could A be?
Time to get to know Emily a bit!
Back home, Emily is tense. We get the idea she has a lot of expectations set upon her by her mother as she divulges info that Aria is back and her mom meets it with immediate criticism on how she used to have pink hair. “That kind of behavior might fly abroad but not here” she says as she packs up a wicker basket to bring somewhere. Emily vibe checks her mom, saying some people dream of making it out of Rosewood.
Apparently Allison made it out, she’s dead now!
Emily brings the Wicker basket full of goodies to the new residents of Allison’s house. This gorgeous girl walks up to retrieve the gift basket and says Emily can have whatever she wants from the box of stuff that was in her room. Emily and her have a conversation about how that stuff used to be her friend Allison’s but they “don’t really hang out anymore.” Hot Girl asks Emily if she’d help with the rest of her boxes and Emily smiles, agreeing to it. She digs a bit deeper asking why she isn’t friends with Allison still and Emily is evasive, picking up a photo of a guy asking if this is Hot Girl’s boyfriend. She compliments Hot Girl on her boyfriend and says she has her own boyfriend, Ben. Hot Girl compliments her body in return saying yeah, Emily definitely looks like she’d be a good swimmer.
Nice.
Maya (hot girl) says her mother is a cellist but she is not, indicating she plays other instruments instead. She asks if Emily would kill her if she smoked a bit of weed, seeing as she’s a jock, but Emily’s a cool girl, she plays it cool. “Go ahead,” she says with her arms crossed before obliging to join Maya in smoking weed. Seeing that she’s a swimmer, I DON’T think this is a good idea, but we’ll see how it plays out. She says this isn’t her first time smoking which is a lie and Maya asks if it’s okay she’s corrupting Emily. She’s like yeah, I think I am :’)
Okay flirting vibes!
We shift gears to Spencer, who has just gotten done revamping the barn in her backyard only to hear her perfect sister Melissa will be moving in with her fiance Wren while they redo the place in the city for them. Spencer and Melissa have tension, seeing as Melissa is the golden child of suburban white mom’s, and this is why I related to Spencer so deeply growing up. Their relationship in many ways resembled the way I felt towards my own sister, striving but never necessarily fitting up to the perfection she emulated. The two in this show are closer in age, leading to more problems that stem from inherently competitive women, but damn if I didn’t FEEL THIS SHIT as a kid.
Anyways, Spencer’s not too happy to give up the barn she redecorated to live in her Junior year while Melissa gets it immediately, since she’s “in a couple.” Wren comes out to shake hands with Spencer but she’s quick to avoid an introduction, sidestepping his invitation to retreat to the barn.
Later that night, Spencer is outside reading “To Kill a Mockingbird” while Wren steps out to smoke. She chides him for this, being a med student and all, and asks if her sister knows, which she doesn’t. She says Wren is different than the other boys Melissa typically dates and when he asks, she says welp! Time to get to dinner. She says she actually likes him, which is unusual, and he smiles.
Lots of back door flirting happening, wuh oh!
The perfect follow up to the Spencer-Wren scene, Aria enters Mr. Fitz school room after school. He says “listen, I though you were amazing when I first met you, but I also thought you were in Hollis” but doesn’t move his hand away when she insists that this move is what’s right for them both. She insists he feels it too and he’s like we just can’t and walks out of his room.
Good! Fucking set boundaries you go back on later on!
Emily and Maya walk home brushing hands, oooOO! Emily says she has a bit of time before her practice at 4 and Maya’s like wow, I’ve never had a jock friend before, guess that makes you my first :) Emily’s smile fades as she sees garbage men putting Allison’s stuff in their garbage bin. She divulges to Maya that Allison went missing, how she doesn’t like to talk about it because then she has to think about it and Maya apologizes, kissing Emily VERY close to her mouth. They awkwardly giggle and Maya apologizes, leaving a smirking Emily behind to go to swim practice.
GAYYYY.
In the locker room, Spencer is there post field hockey practice as Emily opens her locker to a note that says “you’ve found another girl to kiss?-A.” Emily’s mood shifts and the scene ends.
On to some good ol’ fashion Spencer/Wren flirting. Spencer is getting a Diet Coke to go into the jacuzzi and you’ll never guess who also comes in to the Kitchen wearing checkered swim shorts: British accent Wren. He asks Spencer for a towel and she throws him the one around her shoulder. Massaging her shoulder, she lets him say she had a tough practice today and he’s like don’t worry I know what’s wrong and he starts to MASSAGE HER. Sorry, I’d never be this comfortable with any man let alone my sister’s fucking boyfriend. She’s like, letting little moans out as Melissa calls out “Wren” from the other room and Spencer ROCKETS out the door.
Her one smart move thus far.
Aria’s mom and dad are trying to reinvigorate their loveless marriage by drinking wine as they unbox their house. Mom’s like ugh, neither you nor Aria seem happy to be back and dad says he hopes the family stays as close as they did in Iceland. The mom is sus of this comment but leans in to him anyways, ruminating over the DiLaurentis family and how hard it must be for their daughter to be missing. It’s a sweet moment outside of the fact we (the audience) knows the dad CHEATED!
Spencer is casually reading on her bed in a business tie and three piece suit. She spies on Melissa and Wren kissing outside the barn while her computer yells DING! It’s an email that says “Poor Spencer. Always wants Melissa’s boyfriends. But if you kiss, I tell- A” and now Spencer is in on the A drama. Who could this person possibly be?
Flashback episode, BITCH!
Hanna, Allison, and Spencer are all hanging in Spencer’s kitchen. Melissa walks in with her boyfriend, Ian and he offers to help Spencer with her field hockey shit. Melissa chides him for being a babysitter to Spencer and Allison drops the mysterious “you need to tell your sister.” Melissa is like “? what?” before dipping out with Ian and Spencer is MAD! She says OUTSIDE to Allison and there they go, ready for some girl on girl CRIME. Hanna is sus of this and lingers near the side door, watching Allison tell Spencer “she’s going to find out. If you don’t tell her, I will.” Spencer’s like alright, tit for tat bitch- if you tell everyone about me kissing my sister’s boyfriend once I’ll tell everyone about “the Jenna thing.”
She goes to her window to look out longingly and maybe sees.. Allison?
Emily goes to Aria to say someone left a very personal note in her locker. They ruminate over the idea maybe Allison isn’t dead since no one else knows what was in their personal notes. Aria says Allison’s probably playing with them now since she loved to do it when they were alive. Emily asks if they should tell someone and Aria says she can’t so I guess they’re both just kind of fucked. The conversation switches to bonding over how they both feel alone in Rosewood and they both just seem kind of tired.
I also would be exhausted if I was a high schooler being blackmailed.
Back at Hanna’s mom’s house, Hanna and her mom talk about how Aria is back in town. They discuss Hanna’s moms divorce and how exhausted she is talking to people about the breakup, indicating there was a bit of foul play on his end. Apparently, Hanna’s dad dumped Hanna’s mom and whatever that means, I have no idea. Hanna checks her phone to see a text from Spencer that says “we need to talk” as the front door bell rings. Hanna gets up to get it and lo and behold, it’s the cops. They say Hanna’s been on tape shoplifting a pair of sunglasses and fucking handcuff her in front of mommy.
At the station, her mom puts on the freaking CHARM trying to get Hanna out of a bad situation.
Hanna’s phone rings again with a text from A saying “be careful Hanna, I hear prison food makes you fat.” Her mom walks out and Hanna follows her and from what I RECALL from the books, I’m like 90% sure her mom blows the officer to get Hanna out of jail. Her mom gives her a lecture about shoplifting, saying she buys her everything she wants to be popular, and Hanna says that’s not why she shoplifts. She shoplifts maybe as a substitute for her eating disorder? To get her dad’s attention? No idea. She apologizes to her mom and her mom says you’re going to deny you did it, I’m taking care of it.
Yeah, with HEAD.
A fire ambulance passes Emily walking on the street and she runs up to Maya’s house, frantically looking for her friend. Maya tells Emily they found Alison’s body and she watches as a stretcher rolls past them with a body. Hanna is the next to show up on the outskirts of the crowd with Aria following in her car. Spencer sees from far away and Aria runs to her as musically plays in the background. The two talk and Hanna saddles up next to them about how they all made a promise not to talk about “the Jenna thing.”
WHAT’S THE JENNA THING!?
Back at Hanna’s house, Hanna eats a ton of ice cream as she watches the news about Allison’s body being found. There’s banging on the door and Hanna mutes the TV as she sees the cop from before making out with her MOM!!! I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!! Her mom looks behind her shoulder at Hanna, disappointed, as Hanna watches helplessly.
Damn the DRAMA of this pilot.
Allison’s funeral is the next day and it’s a harrowing time. Emily hugs Spencer and Jesus Fucking Christ, Mr. Fitz immediately seeks out Aria asking if she knew Allison. They have a melodramatic moment where Fitz is like “I don’t know what’s worse, staying away from you or being a jerk about it” and Aria’s like oh wow, this man. I should open up to him. He apologizes for being a jerk which no??? You’re just setting a boundary??? She says “I’d never want to do anything to get you in trouble” and kisses him on the cheek to which, he kisses back hard!!!
His eyes are way too far apart dear God.
Aria walks in to church and hugs Mrs. DiLaurentis. She sits up front with the other Pretty Little Liars where they talk about how Ali was popular in life and death. Hanna takes out a flask and gives it to Emily to drink a bit as Aria receives a text. Though it’s not from A, they all piece together they’ve all gotten a text. Spencer turns around and sees Jenna Marshall, a blind girl, walk into the church and they’re all surprised. Allison’s mom asks if they were friends with Jenna and they say no.
For those who don’t know, I think the five girls caused Jenna to go blind
Outside the church Detective Wilden hands them a card and says he’s going to need to talk to each of the four girls about Allison’s disappearance. Since it’s no longer a missing persons investigation, he’s resolute on figuring out what happened that summer.
They watch Jenna enter a car concerned as all their cell phones ring. The text reads:
“I’m still here, bitches and I know everything. -A”
Overall I’m going to give this pilot an 8/10. It’s enough to get my drama desperate ass interested, with secrets laid out like a world to be built upon, and quite frankly: the cast is super fucking hot. I wouldn’t lose an arm over Lucy Hale but Ashley Benson and Shay Mitchell could destroy my life if they wanted to. I’m probably impartial, since I loved the books and adore looking at things through rose colored glasses, but I enjoyed the pilot enough. Did it stand out amongst other dramas of its time, with a rotating plot of mystery, secrets, and high stakes? Absolutely. Is it a background show to be put on with bingable content that can be missed and not necessarily revisited? You betcha.
That’s the duality of a Hot Girl Show.