NOW PLAYING: Bridgerton
Are ya'll into it because you're horny? Or do you ACTUALLY like the storyline?
Do not shoot me for this but I’ve never seen Bridgerton. Apparently, neither has my spellcheck since every time I type it a huge red line tells me I’m wrong. For me, Bridgerton falls in to the same category as The Bachelor and Game of Thrones. It’s a show I’d watch to remain socially relevant but since parties don’t exist anymore, I don’t watch “good things.” I haven’t been consistent in my interests since 2019 and when people ask me what I’m watching, I often defer the conversation back to their interests because Who the Fuck Knows. I’m a puppet of my former self at best and at worst, a parrot of others interests.
My makeup is 80% Reality TV Shows and 20% Dyke.
Bridgerton is a Period Drama that takes place during the Regency Era in England. It follows eight siblings on their pursuit of love and I hope one of them is gay. There’s this hot guy everyone is mad about leaving the show and a season 2 release date slated for March 25th of this month. The show has gotten INSANE praise since it’s release in 2020 and almost everyone I know watches it, probably because it was produced by Shonda Rhimes who is the God of Television. With a viewership of 82 million households, it became the most-watched series on Netflix at the time of it’s premiere.
So without further ado: Sexy Pride and Prejudice.
Bouncy music introduces us to Grosvenor Square in 1813 where people are placing bets on the upcoming social season. One household is the Baron Featherington who, when I type his name in to Google for clarification, get a MAJOR spoiler on (thanks!). Three biddies with mommy issues are on the marriage market and they are all red heads. Apparently the Vicountess Bridgerton household is hotter because the narrative says so but let’s keep that up to this Lesbian. There’s three sons (no thanks) and three daughters (i’m listening) with brown hair (eh) who are WAY too young (not in the running anymore). Someone yells at Daphne to make haste and I agree because if she’s older, I’m going to need to judge her appearance.
Not very International Women’s Day of me behavior.
The moms smile at each other tensely and Mommy Bridgerton is acquiring about her bad boy son. We know he’s a bad boy because he’s fucking some maiden against a tree while checking his pocket watch. I haven’t gotten a good look at the red heads but from what I see, I also would be fucking someone else in the park against a tree. Daphne exits from her car and takes in the sites around her, escorted by her brother Anthony into the big royal hall causing SERIOUS questions from me on whether there will be some good ol’ fashion incest in this season. We learn today is a very important day because it’s the day marriage-minded misses are presented to the Queen. Here, we could have taken a turn for the queer a la’ the Favourite. What if they’re presented to the Queen and the Queen gets to decide which woman she wants to fuck, hmm?
Normalize queer affairs in 1813.
The queen is not impressed by the three redheads dressed in white and that’s not good because it’s only the Queen’s eye who matters today. One of the redheads faints and Daphne makes her appearance quickly after, the wax faced queen looking exhausted as she walks up to her. Daphne bows as the Queen gets up, no purpose being said for why she’s looking at them but alas, she is. “Flawless, my dear",” she says and kisses her forehead as Daphne’s brother Anthony keeps looking at her. Her mom is like “they’re watching you!!!!!!!!” with STILL NO EXPLANATION ON WHY IT’S IMPORTANT THE QUEEN THINKS YOU’RE HOT. Is it for her hot son? Is this some Cinderella shit? What is UP with Mom’s deciding who gets to date their son? I bet so many mommy’s wished Freud’s mom was hot. If he had been like “yeah it’s ok to fuck mom’s because mine’s hot” instead of offering up some philosopher bullshit on why that part of the brain is bad we’d have so many families going hog wild letting their Freak Flags Fly.
The intro plays and Lady Whistledown condemns women who write which is not very International Woman’s Day of her. She then goes on to say she’s the writer (m’bad) and that she’s like the Gossip Girl of this show. We don’t know her but she certainly knows us xoxo. Back home Daphne is being humble (not) about being the only one complimented out of two hundred women. Eloise, her bisexual younger sister (AT LEAST), has some contempt for Daphne because she’s clearly the older, perfect, straight sister. She says everyone probably hates Daphne now and Daphne’s like excuse me if IM desirable YA’LL will be too. All giggles as their dresses arrive but Eloise is not impressed. She introduces drama in to the family by bringing up this new pamphlet circulating with celebrity news that lists people BY NAME. Daphne’s stoked because this Lady Whistledown person called her a “diamond of the first water.”
Meanwhile, in the Red Head Household (Featherington or something. I truly forgot.) They’re saying what GOOD news it is that soon Daphne will be off the market so that their Ugly Children can Find Love. Lady Featherington says a distant cousin of hers is coming to stay with them and she doesn’t seem super stoked about it. Her daughter Penelope insists she could sit this season out as her sisters bully her for her weight :/ because they’re two ugly bitches. She’s like maybe if I can take a gap year like Eloise I can dedicate myself to my studies but her mom shoots her down because her mom hates strong, smart women!!!!!!! Penelope is the sweetest little thing excuse me, give her what she wants. Look at her!!!
Lady Featherington and her Blonde Neighbor discuss this cousin and say oh she’s going to be no competition for my girls which we all know will not be true. This girl is going to be America’s Next Top Model Level hot and I can’t wait for her to get into town. She has a mid four-figure dowry and was raised on a farm but nevertheless, she WILL sweep the town of hot bachelors and I can’t wait for this mom to eat her words. In walks the cousin and boy she’s hot. Mom exhales cause she knows she’s in trouble.
Nice.
On a black steed rides one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen. We learn his father died and he’s escorted in to the large estate where we learn a ball will be taking place later that night. He’s an eligible duke so there’s going to be some ladies after him but he’s got no time for women while he deals with his dead father’s affairs. Lady Danbury isn’t too stoked about this and forces him to agree to going to the ball which he’s not ecstatic about but what are ya going to do when you’re super hot.
Anthony Bridgerton shows up at the theater and immediately fucks some woman on a couch. She’s not pleased he’s checking his watch after they fuck and he reveals his father died, a logic next step confession. These two are hiding their love because they are from two different classes and he insists he cannot stay because he has to chaperone Daphne at the ball. He has to make advantageous matches for his sisters since his father is dead. The Danbury Ball is a HIGHLY sought after invitation and sorry Anthony’s Girlfriend Siena but the ball is titled CHASTE AND INNOCENT you’re not INVITED.
There’s a lot riding on this ball because it determines if they’ll find a match or be a spinster. A montage takes place and these girls are THIRSTY, presenting themselves as if they’re a resume and a, lmfao, STRING QUARTET OF THANK YOU, NEXT by ARIANA GRANDE PLAYS. Stop, are you serious? What is this? They’re literally playing an Ariana Grande song as if this is an empowering moment for the ladies. Please, any other song but fucking thank u, next for the love of GOD.
Lord Ambrose approaches Daphne and Anthony drags him to shit in front of their family, indicating he is NOT worthy of Daphne. She has a size-able dowry and Anthony is not budging an inch on letting her talk to boys at this ball. Their brother Colin says he’s going to Greece as Lady Danbury strolls up asking why Daphne has yet to dance. The Bridgerton Brothers take note of Marina Thompson, the cousin of Redheaded Family, and they are IMPRESSED. Where one suitor goes, the rest will follow and boy are those suitors not headed for her daughters. Hot Duke decides to come down for a minute and the mom introduces her two red head daughters as a swarm of women attack. Daphne shakes Anthony off to peruse the men herself, grabbing a cup of lemonade when someone who looks like Peter Pettigrew Jr. comes up to talk to her. As she’s fleeing him she runs in to Basset who happens to know Anthony. We learn he is now the Duke of Hastings and he’s known Anthony since Oxford. Anthony and Daphne take off as her mother says some dude wants to dance with her. She’s stoked about this but ONCE AGAIN Anthony is cock blocking her.
Every guy watches her head out, sad to see her leave.
The next day Daphne wakes up early wondering which gentleman will be the first one to come to their house. Another radio song turned quartet plays, it’s Girls Like You by Maroon Five. The Earl of Stafford and the Marquis of Finey show up for cousin Marina with gifts and one of them LITERALLY looks like my girlfriends twink roommate. Daphne, on the other hand, is on the couch talking to an INCREDIBLY eligible bachelor until Anthony kicks him out.
In a wild turn of events, Marina is the sought after one and Daphne is on the outskirts.
Lady Whistledown says that Miss Thompson is the new Incomparable and not Daphne to which, the red headed mother Lady Featherington is NOT stoked about. Daphne asks her mom if they should attend social events without Anthony since he’s so controlling and her mom sadly says he’s planned their calendars all the way through June. At this moment, Peter Pettigrew Jr. strolls through the door and BOY do I feel bad for Daphne. Mr. Gingivitis is truly such a heinous sight and now that Anthony is gone, no one is there to protect Daphne from him. Desperate, the mom leaves them alone and it truly is worse case scenario for this girl. He’s like you and I are destiny <3 and Daphne sighs aggressively. Over at Marissa’s Penelope has a quick exchange with the younger Bridgerton brother before he goes and I get warm fuzzies inside.
I want nothing but romance for my bb Penelope.
Daphne expresses her concerns to Anthony on their horse ride and he says she’s giving too much credit to anonymous scribbler Lady Whistledown. They get in to a back and forth argument of him scaring away every suitor and her feeling stressed she’s not exceeding expectations. She makes a point that this is all she’s been raised for an if she doesn’t find a husband, she’ll be worthless. Dismissive and condescending, Anthony says something Male and Deflective. She rides off in response.
What’s up with the hot Duke everyone’s obsessed with? Great question! He’s let every mother know he is NOT on the market and the celebrity gossip pamplet written by Whistledown is wondering WHICH eligible bachelorette, in response, will rise to the challenge of making him like her. Anthony and him are drinking bonding over how he doesn’t want to get married and Anthony is like but you need to? And Duke is like oh? Where’s your wife then? Or are you just going to fuck your mistress forever? Luckily, Anthony has brothers and one of those brothers, Colin, is going after Miss Thompson.
Pity for Penelope because THATS THE ONE SHE TALKED TO EARLIER!!!!! Look at how sad she is :(
In other news, a “peculiar” suitor for Daphne has arrived and it is, you guessed it, Peter Pettigrew Jr. An Opera takes place that night and we’re all hoping Daphne can turn it around because dear God. If she ends up with Mr. Gingivitis I will be personally offended. The Queen knocks Daphne down a peg before Lady Danbury invites them to hangout in her box at the Opera for the night and they watch Anthony’s mistress sing on stage. Lady Danbury and Lady Bridgerton suggest setting their kids up so Lady Whistledown stops writing shit about their families which hey, if the two hottest people in this show get together, the Duke and Daphne, I’m down for it.
The families have dinner together later that night and talk about who Lady Whistledown could be. Lady Bridgerton asks the Duke if he’d like to join them for dinner more often and he’s like maybe but he can’t help but notice Daphne is upset they’re sitting next to each other. They have a very Pride & Prejudice relationship starting off where they kind of seem like they hate each other at the beginning but eventually will like each other. They both agree they don’t like each other and he calls her desperate which is a MAJOR vibe check. Anthony’s pissed too because it seems like he’s caught on that his mom is trying to set up her eldest daughter with his best friend and he' insists it won’t work. The Duke doesn’t want to marry and besides, he won’t make her happy. He chides his mother like she’s an insolent daughter and she finally stands up to him. She calls out the fact he’s probably going to meet up with his mistress later and leave the fact of breeding up to his brother’s so he has no place to talk about duty. He’s acting like an older brother being a protective Himbo and not like the man of the house by denying his sister the right to any good suitor.
She turns on her heels and storms away in this beautiful little silk number.
The next morning Anthony is stroking Siena’s back when he breaks the news that he cannot see her anymore. He needs to start taking his duties seriously and she’s not that. Sure, he promised to care for her but those are simply words. He kicks her out of the apartment he’s been paying for just as Lady Whistledown ponders Daphne’s recent fall from grace. They head to ANOTHER late night ball held outside where Colin and Pen have a nice little exchange where she nervously says Miss Thompson isn’t there. Penelope nervously rambles on when a girl named Ms. Cowper dumps a drink down her dress asking Mr. Bridgerton for a dance but COLIN is a GOOD guy and he asks Penelope to dance instead. They light some candles overhead on the dance floor and Daphne’s excited but Anthony is trying to sell Peter Pettigrew Jr. off to her. Rightfully upset, she storms off.
Back at the Red Head house, Lady Featherington confronts Ms. Thompson for not bleeding for over a month. The Lady is PISSED because this is going to look bad on their family and Ms. Thompson finally speaks. She’s like do you think I want to be here? Around people like you who are so out of touch and the red headed mom slaps her!!!!!
Bitch!!!!!
Meanwhile in the garden Daphne is ripping up plants when Nigel approaches her and is like oh Golly, Gee I’m so stoked to marry you and Daphne’s upset about this when Nigel tries to grab her like “you should BE so honored.” She responds by anxiously punching him just as the Duke walks by. “Marry me Ms. Bridgerton,” says Nigel and the Duke is like wow. Romantic. Are you really thinking about marrying him? And Daphne is like if I can’t secure another offer I may have to!!!!! I’m fucked! You get to chose not to marry I have to!!! He expresses he’s sorry people aren’t lining up for her anymore, genuinely, and they bond over how annoyed they are this Lady Whistledown is shit talking them so much. He’s like maybe there’s an answer to this issue: what if we…??????? And they do!!! They go back making an entrance like this because they’re going to pretend to make an attachment and it will get everyone off their back.
They enter the function looking like THIS:
Lady Whistledown’s going to have WORDS to say about this one. BELIEVE. ME.
Overall I’m going to give this a 8.5/10. I knew nothing of Bridgerton going in and the show feels very engaging as you dive deeper into the world. I loved the colors, pacing, characters, and plot until I googled the politics of the show and learned insane shit happens later on in the season that I do NOT love. Apparently, Daphne and the Duke get together (obviously) and she has nonconsensual sex with him that makes it seem like some feminist undertaking packaged as women going and getting what they want at the sake of men. It’s a “feminist disaster” according to American Magazine and I’m sure given the pacing of this show, and how the message has been translated thus far in the pilot, I’d agree that Bridgerton teeters the line of liberal white feminism and toxicity probably stems from it. Revenge sex isn’t empowering ladies, it’s problematic!! With period dramas it’s easy to want to historically steamroll male characters in order for girl bosses to win but I can assure you, that writing is lazy, regressive, and harmful.
Just make them all gay instead :’)