American Horror Story Freak Show came out in 2014 and attracted a series high 6.13 million viewers for its premiere. At this point, AHS had made quite a name of itself, circulating Tumblr in well crafted gifs while utilizing Evan Peters hunk potential to satiate many love starved women (me. cannot emphasize enough how dismal my college relationship was lol). Ryan Murphy honed in on this gap in the market, mixing horror with the typical 40 minute television format and in return, the market yielded wealth. Freak Show had some pretty big boots to fill following Murder House, Asylum, and Coven.
Here, we see the franchise’ great decline.
I watched half of American Horror Story Freak Show before growing incredibly bored, inundated by what felt like a series of events I’d already seen. Despite being only thirteen episodes, same as its predecessor, Freak Show felt tired, exhausting. The show premiered October 8, 2014 so let me, for a moment, try to figure out what the fuck I was up to around that time. I went as Human Centipede for Halloween that year so I was fucking some dude with Scoliosis, in that gray area where you’re dating but “not really dating.” Maybe I wasn’t bored by the show but rather, bored by my life, unable to enjoy anything with the seemingly new God Complex I had recently developed for myself. American Horror Story also, at some point, started to become tied to my abusive ex who picked what I could wear out and who I could talk to, so-
Maybe it was less the series and more a “me” thing..
With this in mind, I’ll try to be a bit kinder to the Freak Show pilot the way I’ve resolved to be kinder to myself, lately. I’m not the smartest person, I rarely pick up on anything Daniel Day Lewis is doing, so maybe critics were right when they said this season wasn’t as bad as I once thought it was. So without further ado…
Wait actually before we begin, I’d feel REMISE to NOT include the Human Centipede 2014 photo.
Sarah Paulson begins the episode walking sinisterly forward, her face permanently indented in a frown. Spewing off some Jughead Jones speech, she says September 3rd was a partciularly shitty day for her, a day that would go down in history as the day she entered the gates of hell. Of course, this intro scene leaves us with little to do but speculate because quickly, we are on to…
A D-Licious Milk Delivery man walking up a front porch to drop off some milk. Noticing his last three deliveries have remained untouched on the porch, he takes it upon himself to investigate. “Mrs. Tattler? It’s Bill Palmer, your milk man,” he calls out in to the house. The air smells fishy apparently given his facial expressions and he comes upon the poor Mrs. Tattler lying in a pool of her own blood in the kitchen, a messy slop of a person. You’d think, at this point, the milk man would run but instead, he grabs a kitchen utensil to shield himself as he investigates the thud upstairs. He opens the door and some shit goes down because we do not see the next scene. Instead, the pilot moves to a hospital where someone with one bladder, four lungs, two hearts, and three kidneys is getting an X-Ray, prompting the nurse to throw up. Who the fuck has three kidneys, she thinks, disassociating as she takes notes. Apparently, this “monster,” who I think is two Sarah Paulson’s conjoined in to one Sarah Paulson, was found at the crime scene of 63-year-old dead woman Eudora Tattler.
Did Eudora give birth to her and then keep her hidden? Who knows!
It is 1952 in Jupiter, Florida and with a place like that we already can tell this season is about to be up to some fuck shit. Jessica Lange shows up in a red dress and a black/white shag poncho that looks great on her. She is buttering up the candy-striper, calling her my peppermint angel. This is an adorable nickname and I am going to ask Ana what it is in Spanish, since I have been trying to find a cute nickname for her for so long. She says I cannot call her huevote because “Big Egg” translates to “Balls” in spanish but I think “Big Egg” is very cute. Apparently peppermint angel in spanish is ángel de menta which I don’t like when you say out loud. Ana says I could say mentita which is peppermint but that is close to mendiga which means stupid. She sighs and says “mentita is fine” meaning mentita is not fine.
The search for a spanish nickname continues :(
Anyways, Jessica Lange is trying to get access to what I can only assume are conjoined twins. The candy striper has red lipstick on and is smoking her little cigarette not budging, saying she’s annoyed her mom is making her work here. Elsa (Jessica Lange) saves life is to be lived and gives her a business card. At some point, Elsa finagles someone out of a candy-striper outfit and sneaks her way in to seeing the twins, insatiable with curiosity. As she grabs two balloons off her cart, she makes her way carefully to the curtain, pulling it apart to see…..
Two peacefully sleeping twins!!!! That’s right: we get DOUBLE the Sarah Paulson action this season.
Elsa calls them pretty and separates the balloons for them, fascinated by what these two might mean for her. It’s not said yet what Elsa’ role in the show is, but judging from the fact this is called Freak Show, I’m going to guess she is compiling a group of people to be in the Circus for her. She has a pretty little dress for them, indicating they won’t be able to survive without her because the papers are calling them “dimwitted” and we learn something very fun about the two Sarah Paulson’s: they can talk to each other mentally! They don’t talk that much though to other people, which is why the town is nervous about them being around. One of the twins is all negative Nellie (RIP) while the other one is hella positive, stoked that she’s there to stroke her ego. As this is all going on, the camera splits screens to show both twins perspective, one very comfortable she is there while the other does not take her eyes off Elsa.
This technique was lost on me the first time I saw the episode.
Elsa let’s the positive one take a puff from her cigarette as she asks them incredibly personal questions, like if they’ve had a boyfriend eat them out because they have one reproductive system and homegirl is wondering if these conjoined twins have experienced a conjoined orgasm. Hold up: pause because I also… have a lot of thoughts on this. I would kind of be nervous to orgasm if I was conjoined to my sister but like, how do you get over the horny urge to cum then? Does the other know you want to cum? You’d have to assume the other would know, since they can read each other’s thoughts, and does that make the relationship weird between them? At what point do we value cummies over family?
Personally, I feel like if I had a conjoined twin we’d have to set up a cum system where we only masturbate if the other one is asleep.
Luckily for me, Elsa asks a lot of these invasive questions upon meeting the twins. Does the positive one touch herself and the negative one hates that? Yes, she learns. I will not lie I thought some freak nasty lesbian shit was about to happen here and my entire face lit up like a Christmas tree. Was JESSICA LANGE going to go down on TWO SARAH PAULSON’S, I wondered? I couldn’t help but wonder… Am I the kind of nasty queer audience critics wonder about and condemn for being curious to wonder, I thought?
There. I put wonder in that sentence enough times. Sometimes it’s hard being the Dyke Carrie Bradshaw.
Negative Nellie insists Elsa leaves and she does, taking away every though I’ve ever had with her. So many questions left unanswered that I guess we’ll never know anything about. Meanwhile, on some Lake near Florida, a brunette is indicating he’s going to fuck his blonde girlfriend but first, he needs to go to a car. A clown shows up in the corner of the screen scaring the ever living beejezus out of me and the blonde girl is too fucking scared to do anything about it but entertain him while her boyfriend is gone. He’s wearing a mask with a big smiley face on it and the second her boyfriend Troy shows up, he hits them both in the face with a pair of shit that you juggle with, stabbing Troy repeatedly before Ms. Blonde runs off. Their names dont matter, this is obviously a scene to introduce what will be the villain of the series, but I remembered his name so I’m writing it down.
Meanwhile, Elsa is muttering in German at the counter of some cafe, cutting out movie clippings as she demands more coffee. At this time, the waitress goes over to flirt a bit with Evan Peters which, who wouldn’t, and Elsa, noticing this, gets mad. She waltz over to him and is like hello you, I have a bone to pick. May you open this, good sir? And Evan Peters is mad because no, he can’t and why is she asking him this? Pretty ableist of her, in his opinion if you’d ask him (I’m getting all this from his disappointed facial expression). Anyways, she’s pissed she found a good place and an audience and now, he’s left her for “some floozy.” It’s unsure whether Elsa and him are dating or not but clearly, they were in business, that business being the Circus. It’s been years so we’re not even going to pretend to wait to reveal Evan Peters has crab claws for hands so yes, he is either her business associate, a part of her troupe, or both.
In the next scene we cut to Elsa talking to a landlord in some green pasture about how he’s kicking her troupe out to make room for a pastor from Georgia. His wife isn’t too comfortable with keeping them around and he’s sorry to see them go but no one is coming to their shows anymore! What can he do about it, he’s a business man? She is taking her linens down and hands him lingerie and says she has a bottle of Schnapps for him inside, securing another month of rent.
Not hard to infer what happened there.
Back to present day where Elsa is attempting to get Evan Peters back to the circus since his “deformities” will not be appreciated elsewhere. “You think she’s going to be stoked about that?” Elsa says in some words and we have yet to know what his deformities are but it’s also 2022 and we have Google so we do in fact know what his deformities are: crab claw hands. He exits the diner upset and Elsa exits right after him, pleased with herself for shaming this man in to coming back to the circus.
The mood changes drastically as the show shifts to a group of housewives getting together to talk about how little their men satisfy them. There’s a platter of deviled eggs on screen making me realize how often I eat deviled eggs and suddenly, I am hungry and sad. Myrna, one of the girls who brings up that all her husband does is mount her to hump and pump, watches an absolutely beaming blonde exit from a room saying “it’s your turn!!” What is happening? I wonder as I already know where this scene is headed, triggering an age old memory I am so excited to unearth. Here is the answer to the question I was posing earlier: the character I’d want to finger me.
Spoiler: it’s Evan Peters AGAIN this season!!!
Myrna, nervous, heads on over to the bedroom to a product that is a “new savior for the American Housewife.” Down a dimly lit hallway she finds Evan Peters in a wife beater saying come here babe I don’t bite as he inserts his crab hand in to Myrna, smiling as she cums like there’s no tomorrow. All the while, Evan Peters stands at the foot of the bed smiling. What a fool:
You’re probably wondering what Sarah Paulson is up to right now and I’m here to deliver. They’re talking about the night from the beginning of the episode when Mrs. Tattler was murdered. It was a moonless night and the negative one goes on to regale the events, how they were trying to rob the estate but stopped when they saw the twins. He had on a black fedora and strangled their mom while doing needlepoint. Okay scrap that! That’s a plot to a movie apparently. Tehe, Bette and Dot (the twins) are so silly! They’re gonna have to do better if they’re gonna trick Elsa because as we know, Elsa knows a lot about movies and has some weird beef with Hollywood we figure out later (failed actress, aren’t we all?)
They better get their story straight before the cops show up!!!
The radio talks about two bodies found dead in a blood bath as a fucking horrifying montage of the clown from before plays. One is missing and four have been killed by a maniac preying on the citizens of Jupiter, Florida. Luckily, a scene humanizing the maniac starts playing where we see a ton of balloons orbiting a broken down bus. On the bus is the missing son and the blonde woman who expressed kindness to the terrifying clown which makes me very confused as to why he spared these two. When he interacted with the blonde earlier, I thought it was because this clown was a feminist. An ally. He understood the plight of women everywhere and was like okay, I’ll save her, but he also murdered this boys mom so I don’t get what’s going on. Like, if he’s “testing people for their kindness,” he didn’t really give the mom a chance. No shit someone’s going to scream if they see this standing at the foot of their bed. Are you fucking kidding me?
Jesus Christ. Makes my stomach drop every time.
On the bus the two are trying to ration food as the clown steps on, eyeing them carefully. He produces a small wind up clown which he presents and sets on the table. “Oh clown you’re so talented. Please release us so we can tell the world,” the blonde says. He starts laughing because he’s not STUPID, he’s just DERANGED and he proves this by pulling out a long handkerchief of ribbons. He blows up some balloons too to make a balloon animal proving that he does actually have some talent! Is he a failed clown from a failing clown school? What’s up with this guy? Let’s learn his story please for the love of God so I don’t shit myself every time he’s on screen. The balloon honeymoon phase is short lived though as the balloon pops, causing him to spiral. He starts throwing shit at them and freaking out while they scream in their cages, something very relatable to me, a failed comedian.
The crowd isn’t pleased and he’s pissed!!
Somewhere on the other side of Jupiter, Bette and Dot are trying to skip town but not before Ms. Elsa shows up in a white fedora and fancy gloves like a beautiful dyke lesbian I’d love to talk down to me. The papers are blaming Bette and Dot for the murders so they’re on the run. We finally learn a little about what might have happened with their mother. Bette wanted to see a movie and said they could sneak in to it so no one might see them, prompting their mom to say “dO yOU nOT rEmEmBER wHAT haPPeNED in ALAbAmA?” Bette isn’t letting this go though, she wants to see the movie in technicolor so she starts stabbing her mother. Dot could have stopped her, apparently, but she didn’t so later Dot stabs Bette to punish.. herself? I wonder if that’s an effective cure to self harm. If I shared a body with my sister I’d probably stop but I don’t so I’m a loose cannon cop baby.
I highly doubt anyone is going to get this far down in to my newsletter and if you do, I am OKAY I just have BAD COPING MECHANISMS.
The twins are pissed about Elsa, at this point. They’re like what do you want? And she’s like to save you! Bette is excited about this but Dot is pissed, circling back on the beginning scene from the episode but this time, from Bette’s point of view. She’s excited to join the circus and the troupe is excited they’re there, hoping the two will finally bring in some customers. They have a ferris wheel and what looks like some stands for fair games, though so I’m confused how it wouldn’t! I’d love to spend my weekends there, hanging out and throwing rings on cans.
Plus, maybe Evan Peters would finger me.
Bette is so excited to be here. Plus, there’s only one law on the circus: “the bigger the star, the bigger the tent.” Maybe they can get a big tent! Things could be looking up here but Dot does not see it this way, reflecting on someone called Meek the Geek who CHEWS OFF THE HEAD OF LIVING THINGS FOR FUN. Yeah, I’d uhh…. have some thoughts about this place too. Yet again, the show dabbles between Bette and Dot’s point of view, something I did not appreciate the first time around. Jimmy Darling (Evan Peters) flirts with them both and gets Dot to SMILE!!!! The “Sasquatch champion of law and order in this area” is Ethel, a woman with a beard played by Kathy Bates. Okay, manifesting!!!! Ana and I were just talking about how hot I’d look like with a mustache, causing me to wonder if she’s going to start dosing my cereal with T.
I wouldn’t be opposed but that’s for a different piece genuinely reflecting on my trans dysmorphia lol.
Ethel is confused why they don’t appreciate Elsa. She saved her from the drunk tank, reunited her with her boy, and put her back on stage where she belonged. They’re going to be big stars! They’re going to pack the tent! Why can’t they see how lucky they are? This place is as good as it gets for people like them, a woman with a beard.
Boy would she think 2021 is a wild land.
They’re putting up a banner and a man with underdeveloped arms is telling Evan Peters how uncomfortable he feels about this whole endeavor. A car of guys drive by and throw beer bottles at their feet, calling them “freaks” in a scene I think is meant to be empowering and humanizing that they’re tired of this kind of treatment from the community. I need to pause for a moment because I just remembered American Horror Story was upheld for hiring actors who would otherwise be overlooked because of their “deformities” and now I’m realizing, isn’t it just as bad to employ them for a show titled “Freak Show?” Where the entire series is centered around borderline fetishizing instead of normalizing their abnormalities?
Okay, phew. Someone smarter than me spoke better about this:
As Christopher Shinn wrote so eloquently for The Atlantic, disability is not a simply a metaphor for the struggles of those without disabilities. And “freak”, when applied to a person with disabilities, is not a title of mystery and wonder. It’s a slur – and though it might be accurately portrayed on screen or on stage, it’s not yours to reclaim for someone else, even characters in a show.
Thankfully Elsa, like Ryan Murphy, doesn’t really give a fuck about anything other than sensationalizing disabled individuals, saying she doesn’t care if the police get on their ass. Elsa is sitting at a long table where everyone’s just finished dinner when the candy striper earlier comes up to her to yell about how she’s tired of being drugged and confused. She’s been on opium for a while now and I’m genuinely so lost. I didn’t think Elsa was offering her a job, but then why did she lure her out there? The candy striper says she’s going to tell everybody about what goes on there which, I still don’t know what that was. Was she a nonconsensual slam piece passed between people? Ope, I guess it appears that way, seeing as how Elsa is playing videos of her being strung out giving head and getting pleasured by a ton of different people in the group. What is UP with Ryan Murphy’s fascination with rape, holy shit? “I liked it” she repeats, sobbing as she watches people touch her all over the place. Elsa goes on a monologue about how this is what housewives dream of, being touched by beautiful, heroic “monsters.” She’s calling this girl soulless because what, she doesn’t want to be touched when she’s drugged?
Seriously this after the Coven pilot makes me SERIOUSLY wonder what is wrong with Ryan Murphey.
A man in a black car has bought out the entire show and Elsa has no time to deal with the strung out candy striper because she is THRILLED! The show is doing GREAT! She picks up the smaller woman who just told her the news like an accessory, solidifying how queasy and uncomfortable I feel about this episode. Ethel is upset with Jimmy (Evan Peters) for only charging $18 from a girl who “came so fast he felt bad.” Yikes! Even more yikes, we learn Ethel is his mother and she’s not trying to get out of “this dump” despite the fact everyone there is alcohols. Jimmy wants to leave but Ethel insists no where is going to accept them. She says that is if he wants to be a hero, go get those twins to eat. Unfortunately, the twins are being handcuffed and charted off for the death of their mother since
The cop found them thanks to the advertisement Elsa put up earlier that they are AT THE CIRCUS!!!!!!
He doesn’t get too far, though, because a ton of people in the Freak Show party circle him and don’t let him get out. He says he’s boys will be here tomorrow, ya freaks which, Evan Peters has a very normal response to, slitting his throat in front of the twins thus, ensuring their loyalty. No wonder both Bette and Dot are in a fucking tizzy over this guy. If I was about to be arrested and charted away for a murder and someone killed the cop in front of me, I’d be so god damn wet.
In the main tent, some absolute entitled brat and his mother take their seats and she’s like “isn’t this great? We bought out the entire place so you can have the best seat in the house!” and he frowns and is like “I want your seat” so she moves. Woof! He’s mad because the freaks aren’t on stage and he’s bored. Suddenly, a “freak” comes out and his eyes light up. Backstage, Elsa is putting on makeup since apparently, she also performs in this show. Ethel is introducing the show saying “welcome to the weird, wonderful, exuberant, girlboss, gaslight, gatekeep.” She pans her arms over to a taller woman unveiling a shorter woman in a cage and two people with down syndrome which, again, feels just like we’re being ableist but Alright. These openers, however, have nothing on the Spectacular Siamese Sisters, who she pans to as the little brat son dons his Opera looking glasses to see them better. He is suuuper excited to see Bette and Dot but there’s not a lot of time for them because Elsa is singing a David Bowie song in a pant suit, which I love. Probably the only part of the pilot I’m in to, at this point. This episode had a lot of promise and then quickly lost me as an audience member when they were sensationalizing disabled people.
Go off, Elsa. Hit those notes in Life on Mars as you reflect on your failed singing/acting career.
Elsa looks like she’s about to cry and suddenly, the show is over. The little spoiled brat boy offers the twins a cigarette and later, tries to buy them from Elsa to own, I guess. He offers $5,000 and she declines. There’s two of them so he’s going to have to try harder than that. $10,000? He asks. $15,000 and no more which both Bette and Dot decline because this is their home. Elsa is stoked about this, going on to say “once you get a taste of the spotlight, you can’t get out.” They’re a family, wise guy, there’s no splitting them up! Evan Peters stands next to her with his arms crossed like a bouncer who looks like a salesman, ready to pounce. The mother says that’s fine, we hated the show and don’t want your freaks anyways, getting in a little jab at Elsa that the “freakiest part of the show was your pathetic attempt at singing.” Dandy, yes her son’s name is DANDY, stomps his feet and follows his mom on the way out as Elsa looks extremely downtrodden.
Hard to feel bad for her considering she’s using everybody in her troupe for money and fame.
The sun goes down as we cut to the fucking clown sitting on the carousel, a quick snippet that leads in to a parade of the freaks trudging down their dirt road to bury the body of the cop who tried to arrest Dot and Bette. Jimmy gives some monologue about how they deserve to be happy and feel comfortable in their community. “It’s time we make our own right and wrong! It’s wrong of them to treat us like shit. They want to call us monsters we’ll treat them like we’re monsters.” They start stabbing/cutting up this body as the clown watches from the shadows, probably feeling a sense of community in these misfit wackos.
As Elsa feels sorry for herself, Ethel consoles her about her show, saying it was sold out and she did a great job. Elsa reveals she only brought Bette and Dot in so she could sell out shows and people would see her singing but now she’s not so sure given the fact that red head insulted her. Ethel holds her hands with tears in her eyes saying she has a gift and to never give up, making me believe that Ethel is a lesbian. Elsa says oh you are too good for me thank you Ethel. You may go now. She cranks her music player up and listens to a German song as she undoes her stockings, revealing that she actually doesn’t have legs from the knee down. Instead, she has calves fashioned out of wood that she hooks to the end of her knee. The pilot ends on a somber note as Jessica Lange cries about what could have been.
I have very VEEERRRRY convoluted feelings about this show because of their use/abuse of disabled individuals. Seeing the Guardian’s review of Freak Show with such candor made me think I’d love it but I cannot get past Ryan Murphey’s weird saviorism complex. With both rape and his usage of disabled actors, I can’t help but think he’s being sensationalist just for the heck of it. Still, Luke Holland makes a VERY good point in his article, saying:
Freak Show feels more rounded, complete and assured than the previous three incarnations; the scariest since the first, the silliest since the second and the nastiest behind the ooh-dear-that’s-a-bit-too-nasty-actually third. It feels like they’ve finally nailed the formula they’ve been chasing around like a chicken round a pen for four years.
Overall, I’d give it a 8/10. The storyline was a lot better laid out than the Asylum pilot and the sexual violence didn’t feel as overt in Freak Show. Plus, the plot seemed as concise as Murder House was set up to be.
Guess I’m *extremely Jay-Z voice* on to the next one.